In his first political opinion ever, Michael Longfellow provided a closing plea to avoid wasting TikTok after the app officially went dark earlier right this moment.
Becoming a member of “Weekend Update” co-host Michael Che, the featured participant’s tight, 3-minute look highlighted all the explanations the U.S. authorities ought to need to maintain the social media platform obtainable for its residents.
Responding to Che’s assertion that there have been reputable causes to place a moratorium on the app, Longfellow hit again: “Like what? As a result of it’s Chinese language? So we’re simply banning issues as a result of they’re from China now? You already know who else was from China? [pointing upward toward the sky] That’s proper, Jesus Christ. I believed he was Center Japanese, however I noticed it on a TikTok: Chinese language!”
What about issues for information privateness? “Who cares about my information? Oh no, China is aware of I like thick Latinas. Who doesn’t? Give me a break,” he quipped in his signature deadpan supply.
And the mind rot? “I’ve no consideration span. I’ve ADHD. I’ll always remember being recognized. It was final yr. I took a TikTok quiz, and the third time I took it, it stated I may need ADHD,” he stated, including that the app prescribed him Adderall.
In a second of futility, Longfellow lamented he can’t recall his life pre-TikTok: “I do know I lived a life earlier than TikTok — I will need to have. However that boy is useless. He’s useless and he’s by no means coming again. With out TikTok, I don’t know something anymore. What do I do at work? What do I even watch throughout a film?”
What concerning the film itself? “However throughout, Che,” Longfellow stated, “after I get bored for like a couple of seconds? I’m transferring to China.”
Additionally featured on a section this week was Sarah Sherman in heavy prosthetics and with an exaggerated Transylvanian accent as the unique Nosferatu, commenting on Robert Eggers’ new take. The featured participant acted alongside co-host Colin Jost, giving audiences a well-recognized dose of the duo’s signature flirtatious banter and digs on the latter’s made-up cocaine utilization and chauvinism.
“I believed [the adaptation] sucked!” she stated, posing and quivering her spindly talons because the shot transitioned to a black-and-white filter and performed discordant piano chords. (One in every of a number of Nosferatu-isms à la SpongeBob SquarePants.)
Among the many complaints: “How did he get so swole? Vampires solely do one sit-up a day and it’s like this,” she stated, crossing her arms throughout her chest and pantomiming slowly rising out of a coffin.
See Longfellow above and Sherman beneath.
