Wait, so if this film has a joke about how two detectives are named Hobbs and Shaw, then which means the Quick & Livid films exist on this universe. However Detective Shaw is performed by Jordana Brewster, so how did they not discover that she seems to be precisely the identical as Mia Toretto?
That’s simply one of many many ideas that ran by way of my head as I watched Heart Eyes, the second Valentine’s Day film to return out the week earlier than V-Day 2025 (nobody appears to wish to compete with the brand new Captain America film). A masked killer slays {couples} yearly on February 14th, and this time, they’re out for Ally (Olivia Holt) and Jay Simmons (Mason Gooding), two co-workers mistaken for a pair after a whirlwind romantic night that’s about to develop into a dwelling hell.
Coronary heart Eyes is a unusually written movie crammed with inadequacies that fail at what it’s going for. Fact be advised, I’m not excellent at predicting what occurs subsequent in films. I usually have theories, however I’m normally unsuitable. Slasher films are enjoyable as a result of they’re usually whodunnits, with one (or extra) of the primary characters being the particular person behind the masks. I’ve seen my share of slashers, and the one different time I’ve appropriately known as the killer was Scream VI, one other Spyglass film with Mason Gooding.
It’s truthfully spectacular how predictable this movie was. Inside the first 20 minutes, I had my prime suspect. Midway by way of, there’s a second the place the screenplay decides to not present us a vital element, and from there, I used to be utterly certain who the killer was. At that time, I used to be simply ready for them to disclose who it was. Then, within the last act, when we now have our “Shock!” second, I couldn’t assist however roll my eyes at how apparent it was. In the event you’re a fan of slasher films, you’re going to foretell the killer, particularly at that midway level. It’s baffling how straightforward it was.
Anyway, who knew getting struck by Cupid’s arrow could possibly be this bloody? Past the predictability, we now have a couple of cool, violent kills on this movie. Probably the most creative is within the opening scene, and from there, they aren’t fairly as intelligent however are undoubtedly made for the splatter lovers. However our story follows Ally, who meets the good-looking Jay at a café. Their arms contact as they attain for a cup of espresso on the identical time, solely to understand they each ordered the identical factor. It’s your overly cutesy sentimental meet-cute, and the film continues this tone all through, taking part in into the clichés of a rom-com.
However Coronary heart Eyes strikes this bizarre stability between a Hallmark rom-com and a slasher movie, so by the books, it virtually turns into a parody. The story beats are so formulaic that it by no means surprises you. You’ve gotten a robust sense of what’s going to occur a number of minutes earlier than it occurs. The movie tries its greatest to get us to care about Ally and Jay, with Ally displaying off her jaded single life as Jay is extra of a captivating, hopeless romantic. They really feel like archetypes. It’s not till a lot later once we study their pasts and why they’re who they’re, however the dramatic weight of this reveal is lessened by a chunk of comedian reduction that persists all through your complete scene.
What makes it worse is that director Josh Ruben appears to require each efficiency really feel as inauthentic as attainable. You don’t purchase a single second of what’s happening as a result of everybody on this film is giving stilted performances. Nobody acts like an actual particular person; they act like approximations of film characters. The conditions the characters discover themselves in don’t really feel like they may occur in actual life; they’re essentially the most ridiculous conditions that the film shoehorns in to maintain the plot transferring. Though the film does have a campy tone that undoubtedly goes for intentional humor very often, it’s by no means as efficient as Companion, one other early 2025 film that options the identical horror/rom-com hybrid strategy.
The movie additionally retains winking on the viewers, referencing films and making an attempt to get an increase out of that. It’s onerous to make these traces sound like they’re coming from the characters and never from a screenwriter who actually likes films. The one redeeming high quality that Coronary heart Eyes has is the truth that it’s by no means boring, utilizing that one-night setting to create a couple of moments of suspense and pleasure. The Coronary heart Eyes Killer can be much more violent than different slasher villains, usually transferring extra like a talented murderer in an motion film fairly than your slow-walking Michael Myers. However general, this can be a weak film with even weaker dialogue and performances that typically can’t resolve whether or not to make enjoyable of the romcom tropes or commit them.
SCORE: 4/10
As ComingSoon’s review policy explains, a rating of 4 equates to “Poor.” The negatives outweigh the constructive elements making it a battle to get by way of.
